


All is Lost

by Skywalcer



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen, I am not sure as the next movie doesn't come out until 2017, I'm not a native speaker, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, This might contain spoilers, Writing Han is harder, Writing Kylo is hard, no tantrums! wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 17:25:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5594680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skywalcer/pseuds/Skywalcer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of Ben Solo joining the Dark Side, and Luke leaving Rey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All is Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to apply TFA canon as much as I can, there might be mistakes at some points as so many things are not revealed yet. So these are basically my theories about what happened! Enjoy :)

It was raining heavily outside the Jedi Temple, which didn't actually rain a lot - but when it did, it was really uncomfortable to stay outside. The figure in beige robes passed the great wide hallways of the new built temple, stopping at the door on the left, the library. Big windows surrounded the room, giving the apprentices a chance of relaxing by the beautiful view of the endless sea meeting the blue sky when the weather was clean. Which in this case, it was still giving the Padawans a relief.

 

Luke looked to find his nephew, Ben Solo, who loved spending time a lot in this section. He was actually happy with this, it was hard to find students who were interested in finding and idolizing great Jedi heroes. Imagination held a great part of a Jedi's training. One had to believe in himself, so they could be their best at doing their job. After taking a few steps to turning right, he saw Ben sitting and reading an actual covered book. It almost seemed ancient, its papers was distorted, making it hard to hold together.

 

"I was wondering where you were. You were late for your lightsaber training today." Luke stated calmly. "Actually, you never showed up." He took the seat next to him. Ben closed the book with leaving a mark by curving the corner of the page, giving its chance to release its whole dust in the air. His concerned face was covered by his dark curls, making his face look even paler.

 

"Forgive me, Master." He said to Luke. "I must have forgotten it. I was too busy looking at this book, it's a remarkable one." Luke's eyes studied the cover. It was hard to tell what its title was because of the years past. It may not even be a book after all, it could be an old notebook. Ben looked at Luke's face. "Was there anyone you saw yourself to be like  _them_  one day? You ever imagined becoming a Jedi, uncle?"

 

Luke didn't answer quickly. "I had to go on long journeys to even trace one find, Ben. Living under the tyranny of the Empire was harder, it was nothing like these relieved times." Ben took Luke's hand. "Show me, Uncle. The greatest Jedi you've ever known." After asking what he has been trying to ask for weeks, maybe even months. It has been a lot since his interest for history has began to show itself, so Luke wasn't sure.

 

However, he let go of himself, and thought of Obi-Wan Kenobi. He could feel Ben's strong presence in the Force, almost like a glow, one gets when they look directly into the sun. He knew Obi-Wan as Ben since his childhood. Uncle Ben, who did nothing but get out from his hut when the twin suns of Tatooine rose, and got back when it was near sunset. But after his first tragedy, after Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru; his only relying point was Uncle Ben. Owen told Luke that Ben was a crazy wizard who lived alone and almost never talked to anyone. But ever since the day Uncle Ben saved him, he saw Ben as a saviour and a hero. He was the one Luke chose to idolize. He wanted to become a person like he was, determined to his cause, ready to give anything it takes.

 

After all of the memories he had with him, the final one came to his mind. It almost felt like he was living the same memory, one more time. This time, his nephew joined him along.

They found their selves on the polished floors of the first Death Star. Their position allowed them to see both the duel between Vader and Obi-Wan, and Leia’s escape. Han told them to head to the Falcon after the Stormtroopers went to somewhere the three of them did not know at that moment. He sensed Ben's sudden bewilderment as he saw his father's youth days. Luke almost wanted to kill all the Stormtroopers now, slaughter every single one of them for the terror they all had caused. But there was merely anything he could do to them now, saving them from neither the Death Star’s explosion nor making their death sooner.

 

As the young Luke from the vision looked at the blast door, Luke knew Obi-Wan's sacrifice was soon to happen. He also sensed Ben was really interested in this duel. After Obi-Wan smiled at Luke, he let go of himself and held his lightsaber in front of him, not defending himself.

 

Luke broke the vision there. It was all he had seen of Obi-Wan as a human more than a spirit. "He was all I wanted to be," Luke said. "All I ever needed to be if I wanted to make a change in this forsaken galaxy." Ben opened his eyes, stood up from his seat, making Luke follow him as they went behind the window, watching raindrops fall to the planet's surface.

 

"It was my grandfather, wasn't he?" Ben asked. Luke couldn't help but feel a little anxious. Speaking of his father was not a subject he was keen on. It was also dangerous for him to spread his story. "Don't worry Uncle, I'm just curious." He smiled.

 

Luke thought of a way to explain it. He decided to tell him the story from his point of view. After all Ben was his nephew and they shared a strong bond coming from both blood and master - apprentice connection.

 

"As you know, he was deceived by an evil Sith lord, he went by the name, publicly, Emperor Palpatine. He thought it was too late for him to come back to the light, but in the end, he realised he still had a chance." Luke told the events in the best way possible.

 

Ben didn't say anything at first. The 15-year-old Padawan seemed concerned, words wanting to come out from his mouth. "You told me these before, what I wonder is how he became aware of that? How did he change?"

 

"Because he was my father, and I believed in him." Luke sighed. "Speaking of fathers," he said, sensing tension coming from his Padawan. "Han said he will be visiting you tomorrow. You should get yourself ready."

 

Ben crossed his arms. "Tell him I'm not interested," He started to walk towards the door. "I am going to see Master Snoke and compensate my lessons I've missed this morning. I don't want to bother you any more today, I think I've already caused much trouble for you."

 

Luke looked at his robes sweeping the floor while Ben was walking in a hurry. The disturbance in Ben's heart was always there, shining, trying to get out, show itself. However, it was a common thing seen around teenagers. Identification problems, right?

 

×××

 

Already went to his chambers, Ben opened up the datapad he retrieved from the archives he found while he was outside the Temple today. He needed to skip his lessons this morning, but it was for a better cause. The planet they were on was known to be under the Galactic Empire's control for a decade. Thanks to its rich resources, the planet was one of the favourites of the Empire. Ben had to wander over 2 or 3 hours a day to finally find the academy mentioned in maps. Snoke spoke about the academy if he wanted to witness the war from his own eyes.

 

When he went there, he was faced with terror at its best. Stormtrooper helmets flown everywhere around the room, lifeless bodies with eyes open, showing the owners' final statement - desperation. If the war even continued on an educational place, it was going to be hard picking up the piece that will help him on his journey. Fortunately he found the piece surrounded by ashes and other broken datapads. The room for the books seemed detonated, but not all was lost. He had found the book that will be the first guide alongside himself.

 

The datapad contained the history, the memory and almost the whole archive of the Empire. Imperial cadets had to learn about how the Empire was built, how it was controlled and why they had to maintain power. Ben smiled at the mastermind of the person who destroyed this powerful Empire; Vader. When the Emperor thought he was manipulating his right hand, Vader; it was actually the armoured man who was using him all along. Playing his twisted game, but in the background making his plans of overthrowing him.

 

Oh, how he liked Vader. He didn't treat the Force as a helpful resource used when you needed, like Ben’s uncle told him to do so. He used the Force for his own pleasure. He commanded the Force, he ruled it. But he also respected it in a great manner.

 

He couldn't help but laugh at his uncle's attempt at deceiving him, like he did with Vader. He may have had poisoned his grandfather's mind, but was not going to be successful with his. He knew what Vader went through. Even though the Empire's anti Jedi-sympathizing mission was done incredibly, in every planet he went to, every pirate, smuggler he talked to, he learned more and more about him. He knew where he died. He knew his original name, the other one his mother denied to own the surname of. He knew where he was born. He knew him. Maybe even more than his own son, Force knows. He respected him, he was who he wanted to be. Ben Solo would be the one who would finish what Vader believed in. And what he believed in was, the power of the Force ruling the galaxy, in his opinion. To bring justice to this forsaken galaxy.

 

From all he could see and search on, he had been trying to construct his own lightsaber for months. Finally, he completed his new one he was hardly able to do. He got influenced by the times of Great Scourge of Malachor, where he learned about the book he has been reading for this whole month. Most of his early attempts were failures because of the kyber crystal, the only red one he was able to find was cracked, and the cell barely held its power. He could have easily used the one he was given by Master Skywalker, but it belonged to his mask - his Jedi mask, however, it was not his identity. It was used for deception, but he was going to take off that mask and put the real one.

 

He made a mask inspired by none other than Vader. The mask kept his enemies frightened. His voice made people feel threatened. If he wanted to make the others feel the same, he needed the mask. It took only days for him, but it was totally worth the result.

 

Thinking of these, he remembered he had to visit Master Snoke. He was wise – obviously wiser than Master Skywalker. He had a better sight at seeing things. He wasn't dogmatic, he wanted to look at events through both sides. Ben felt proud to be trained by him.

 

After all the lessons he was taught by Snoke, he knew it was the day. The day they finally stopped the spreading illness, started by Luke Skywalker. The lie that made believed to millions, even Darth Vader, his grandfather was fooled by. It was going to end today.

 

He picked up his mask, put his lightsaber and black robe on. Making his way to Master Snoke's chambers in the east side of the Temple, he tried to keep his pacing silent as possible. The students in the temple right now, was either resting or meditating. The others who were outside would not even have a chance, before they meet his lightsaber.

 

As the door opened, he found his Master meditating. "It is time." He rose up to face Ben. "You too also sense it." Ben nodded, however, he was impatient.

 

"Then I think we should begin the process." This time, Snoke nodded and put his cloak.

 

"We have visitors with high will to help our cause," he greeted a group with several members in it. "Welcome, the Knights of Ren." The knights took out their vibroswords, their staffs and kneeled before Ben. Snoke continued. "They all swore their vow to you. They will follow you wherever you go.” He stood right next to the door. “But we have limited time. You deal with the remaining others inside the temple. I _will_ take Skywalker." He didn't stay any longer to listen to Ben's answer.

 

Ben put his mask on, and ignited his unique lightsaber. Its crystal was making a different sound than usual, almost crying for help to get out from its cell. He liked the way it sounded.

 

 

Luke's eyes opened in shock after the disturbance he sensed in the Force. He quickly got up, and got his lightsaber inside his palm. It was the temple he saw in his dream while he was sleeping. It was not a dream actually - it might have been a vision. The temple, it was breaking down, stone to stone. Blocks, windows; all cracking. Children screaming, shouting for help.

 

It wasn't long before he heard the ear scratching sound, and then a scream. His heart almost crumbled at that moment - his student's voice and their dialogue they had today echoed through his mind. _How many has left_ , he wondered. He opened the nearest door to his chamber. The little girl was sleeping in her bed, so calm, so naive. Comfortable, not having any idea of what was happening.

 

He grabbed her little body and held her on his shoulder and supported her with his right hand. His movements felt almost like a blur, like a memory from the past. As he finally made up to his shuttle, Luke left the girl there for her safety.

 

"Skywalker!" The shout came from his very thought friend, Master Snoke. He should have known, he should have sensed his darkness. How could he was so blind all this time? In the mean time, the girl opened up her eyes.

 

"Rey, stay here." He said and got out from the shuttle.

 

"Running away like a coward, I see," Snoke said mockingly. "An action one would not expect from a Skywalker."

 

"And I would not expect it would be you." Luke answered. Snoke opened up his cape and the moonlight let his pale white face almost glow in the dark.

 

"So, what are you waiting for?" Snoke said with a smirk. His red lightsaber's beam was already out, shining and burning the drops coming from the hardening rain.

 

×××

 

In every room they went into, Ben killed one another person. One by one, he felt more like himself. It was working, he began to feel the darkness growing within his soul. As more died, he stepped nearer to the dark side.

 

He went out from the main building and started walking down the great square in front of the temple. There were handy in there, all were meditating in the rain. As he and the knights walked by, another heart greeted death with Ben's lightsaber.

 

He heard a girl's cry behind himself. He turned to see what was going on, and his eyes witnessed a knight was about to kill the girl, raised his stick up in the air. This time Ben's lightsaber greeted the knight with his death.

 

"Nobody does anything without my will, and my saying." He said to those who he commanded. The girl was lying on the rocky surface, crying.

 

"Don't be afraid." He said to the little girl. "Be grateful that you will not have to live under this sick order." Caressing her hair, he smiled under the mask. Murdering a child did not apply to his morals, but he could not leave her alive. It was dangerous for him to do so. She had great potential as a dark sider maybe, but Ben was not sure if Snoke would find her as worthy as he did.

 

Kylo knew Rey. It was his uncle’s daughter. He was so young when he met her. She cried a lot, which annoyed his 10-year-old-self most of the time.

 

Meanwhile, Luke and Snoke's lightsabers have already met each other. "I should have known," Luke repeated himself, but out loud this time. "Before all this happened."

 

Snoke let out a crackling laugh. "How do you think the Empire lasted for over a decade after the Emperor died?" Luke's eyes showed his growing anger. "With my help and guidance, of course." While he was talking and trying to bring back the aggressiveness, Luke sensed a flame of darkness near Rey. He turned his back in a hurry, but Snoke was following, slowly walking towards him.

 

"You will not get in my way, Snoke." He yelled and his green lightsaber left a scar on his white forehead. He used a strong Force push against his enemy, and Snoke flew in the air in shock. His body fell on the burning bushes around the garden, commonly used for lightening the place. Luke couldn't waste his time anymore, therefore he closed his lightsaber and ran.

 

"You!" He shouted at the dark figure standing in front of Rey. "Whatever you are about to do, don't do it." Ben stood up, breaking his eye connection with the little girl, turned to see his old master's face. "Show your face!"

 

Ben took off his mask, and raindrops wetted his face. This time, it was Luke who was in shock. Of all the people, it was his nephew that turned against him. "Ben?"

 

"I am not Ben, uncle.” He said, almost growling at him. “Neither a Solo. I am not like my father. I am no _foolish_." He said angrily. Behind him, Rey also stood up at the moment, and tried to make her way back to the shuttle. She wished she listened to her father.

 

"Whatever Snoke made you believe, it is only to use your power, Ben." Luke tried to make him understand, but it was hard to do so. Ben's anger was nothing like he had seen in all his life.

 

"You always tried to hold me back, uncle. Told me not to give into my anger, but I do not fear the dark side as you do. Just because you were weak to let it control you, doesn't mean I can't do it." The knights were finished killing the others in the wide area who were helpless, defenseless. During when they were talking, their cry for life could be heard in the distance. Luke bent his head at his left, trying to cover his ear from the disturbing noises. It was only them and Luke now. "As you can see, my knights outnumbered you. Now are you going to face out me, Kylo of the Knights of Ren?"

 

Snoke seemed on his way, his thin body showed itself behind Ben. He was smiling, definitely proud of what happened here. As soon as Luke saw Rey got in, he began to talk. "Kylo?" He showed his reaction to the newly found name. "You can't deny your family, it is a thing you have to bare with yourself, Ben. And something you should be proud of."

 

Kylo let out a sigh. "How many times do I have to tell you," he shouted. "...To not call me that?!" Luke began to turn slightly left, where the shuttle waited for him. Kylo, unknown of what his opponent was actually planning to do, screamed in the silent night. He started to run, and was eager to end his uncle this time.

 

But a blast hit Kylo on his right hand, his lightsaber dropped out. " _Ahhh_!" He let out a moan, and held his bleeding hand with his other one. He looked up to see where it did come from, but saw his uncle running away. There he learned that the blast came from the little girl. The little girl who probably knew nothing about using a blaster. The girl who he unwillingly spared her life. _Did he just get beaten by a 5 year old_? He pulled his lightsaber from the surface with the Force, and ran to the closing ramp of the shuttle.

 

Luke was already seated on the captain's seat on the shuttle. "Rey, hold on tight." She, on the other hand, was afraid of the guy whose lightsaber was melting the boarding ramp. Luke finished his calculations to the lightspeed and the ship began to take off.

 

Kylo was going to use his chance to the death, but as the shields got up, he had to let go of his attempt. It was hard to hold on to the door and the ship was going to be in space no more than several minutes. He fell to the ground on his feet, water splashed where he touched. This may have been the last chance he had to kill his uncle.

 

He kneeled before his Master. Snoke made a hand gesture, meaning he could get up.

"You did all you could," He said to the young dark Jedi. "But another failure will not be tolerated, as soon as your training is finished."

 

The Knights of Ren slowly followed the two leading men. "We should gather the first order immediately," Snoke said. "It is time they finally meet their leader."

 

"I will contact Hux as soon as possible, my Master." Kylo replied and Snoke stepped in his own designed ship. "However, I need to do one last thing." Snoke left him with his permission, and the black ship's thrusters began to work.

 

"Follow me," Kylo ordered his knights to his newly given ship by the First Order - old Empire. "We will visit the forest moon of Endor."

 

×××

 

The blue hypnotizing swirl of hyperspace turned into white lines and lastly revealed the vast space as soon as he got out of lightspeed. They arrived at the planet where the First Jedi Temple was founded. It took years for him to find clues about, and he still was not fully sure of it was still there. Though, it still was worth checking for. Besides, he could not return to now.

 

Rey had fallen asleep from when they went into lightspeed. All that happened today tired her little body. As they landed on the green land, he tried to contact one of his old friends. After entered the coordinates of Jakku, the comlink screen opened.

 

"Lor San Tekka, this is Luke Skywalker. Do you copy?" He waited for a minute, but the blue screen didn't change. "Lor San Tekka, are you there?" Comlink made a noisy buzz, and then an old face came to screen.

 

"Luke, it's me." His soothing voice spoke up. "What happened?" Luke shook his head.

 

"Terrible things, but there is no time. I need your help." He said.

"Anything I can do." Tekka smiled. Luke looked at the sleeping girl at the back.

 

"I need you to look after Rey." He sighed. It was what he needed to do for her good. "One of my students turned against me. It is too risky for her to be with me."

 

Tekka agreed by nodding. "I understand. However, I don't own a ship..." Luke interrupted his friend.

 

"It's fine. I'll come there." Luke said. "See you soon, my friend." Then the blue screen closed with a signal. Luke held his head with his hands, thinking about what he was going to do. The little girl murmured, putting a smile on the middle-aged man's face.

 

"Come on, Rey. Have some air." He held her left hand and her little steps met with the green rocky track. She looked up at her father and giggled as the grass tickled her feet.

 

They were on the island in the middle of an edgeless ocean, the blue hugging the green, a natural beauty. They sat down on the already sculpt stairs and he told her to turn her back to him.

 

"Would you want me to do one of the hair styles I learned from my sister, dear?" He asked her, trying not to make her sense, or feel what was going to happen.

 

"Yes, yes! The three buns, father," She asked for the different and never seen hairstyle she might have seen when Leia visited the temple to see her son. "The one on my auntie."

 

He tried to hold back his tears. What was he going to tell to his sister? To Han? How was he going to let them know that he failed? They trusted him, gave their son, a piece of their heart, and all he had to do was to make a proper Jedi out of him. And he messed it up, completely. With being so ignorant about his surroundings, and trusting his friends way too much.

 

"Okay, my dear. Stand still." He said and began to work on her hair. Rey was singing a song, dancing with her little doll, making her father's suffering even deeper. He could not teach anyone after what happened. He thought about his students, all their dreams. Kriel wanted to be a Jedi consular. Vor’en liked baking cakes for his friends. Merioon was keen on nuna-ball. And now they were all gone. One of them died minutes ago. What will their families think about him now? He gathered all these talented people here with saying they will have a better life, and this was what he had accomplished. Definitely it was his fault, for not seeing Ben's darkness all this time. He was the one to blame.

 

While he was thinking, Rey touched his shoulder. "Father, father." Luke finished the first bun and answered: "What is it?"

 

"Erinn, it fell down there." She pointed at her cotton doll. "Can you get it for me?"

 

"Well, why don't you do it?" Luke asked. "I am an old man now, my dear. Running down stairs is hard for my legs and knees." He said mockingly, making his daughter chuckle.

 

"But you are doing my hair now," Rey replied. "I don't want to mess it up."

 

"Rey," Luke said. Maybe, after all, he must have taught at least one of his students right. "Remember what I taught you." Rey closed her eyelids."Let go of yourself. Do you feel it?" The little girl, grinning for feeling, living the Force. "The warm breeze of it, isn't it like the wind that comes from south and puts a natural blanket over you?" Rey nodded in response.

 

"I feel it, all around me, father." She stated. Luke smiled at her daughter's excitement.

 

"Now, do you feel the Force embracing Erinn? Almost hugging her, right?" He said. "Move the Force around it to let it help you."

 

Rey, frowning, reaching for her doll, tried to use the Force in a limited way. Luke shook his head. "Don't be afraid of letting it move. It's within you too, living, making you different, and unique in a special manner. Just relax, and you will do it."

 

She closed her eyes again, but this time, she didn't make herself try; with everything she got, she just, did it in a way she could not explain. The doll was placed in her hand, and while she was looking at it, she realised, it was the power of the Force.

 

Luke didn't say anything, but smiled, and she smiled back. She sat back in her place and her father started to make the second bun.

 

×××

 

It was a silent night on Endor, away from its habitants' village, Kylo and his knights began to search the area. With what he learned from people, and the last input on the datapad about Vader pointed at this nearly desolated moon.

 

"If anyone finds it, nobody touches that." He warned. "Contact me and I will be the one who examines it." The Knights of Ren, all in one second, nodded and broke up.

 

He went on the left path, desperate to reach his destination, began his walk. Every step of him was almost breaking the ground. But in his shock, he sensed the darkness, coming through shadows.

 

Kylo listened to the darkness, met it, and greeted it. He was getting close. Several meters away from him, he finally reached it. He saw it, what was left from his grandfather's funeral. He noticed the woods all over the place, scattered. Someone burnt his armour. After seconds of looking for it, he found what he was seeking. Melted, but still there. He leaned down to touch it. "Show me," He said. "Show me _the power of the darkness_."

 

As soon as his index finger touched the helmet, his whole surrounding changed into some kind of outpost, then he noticed the lavas. It was really hot, and the smell was scorching his nasal cavity. He turned to his right, there he saw Vader. He was not in his famous suit, Kylo dedicated he was new to the darkness. It has not been very long since his grandfather embraced it, Kylo felt like that. But still, he was very strong.

 

He saw Vader's - still blue - lightsaber clashing against a ginger man, soon he realised it was Ben. The man who he was named after. " _What a failure he was_." He thought.

 

In a second, his vision darkened. It became hard to see anything, but he noticed hundreds of lives ending with the red plasma beam. It made him feel stronger, nearly invincible. He liked the feel of it. He needed more.

 

But then it began to change. The lightness that always has been there from the start, began to rise, and conquer the vision. He heard a voice so familiar. " _I will not fight you_ ," it said. " _I feel the good in you, let go of your hate_." Then it hit him that it was his uncle, Luke.

 

Like an electrocuted person, he drew his hands out of the helmet. He did not want to feel that feeling again - the call to the light.

 

His knights were waiting behind him. They looked like they’ve been waiting there for a long time. He just simply shifted his head, and ordered: "Get to your ship. Set your course for the base, wait for my arrival." The knights followed their command, without any questioning.

 

He opened his lightsaber and cut a piece out of his cape. He used it to cover the melted artefact, then carried it away with himself.

 

×××

 

Luke's shuttle came out of hyperspace in the space above the desert planet Jakku. It reminded him of his homeworld, Tatooine. He didn't want to do this, at any aspect, but his mind told him to do so. For the good of her. Even though Rey was adopted, he never behaved her like a different blood in their family. He loved her, cared about her. That's why he was doing this. " _Maybe I'm just making excuses_ ," He thought. His heart refused to accept what happened to his student - his nephew.

 

Rey came to his back and stood behind the seat, scanning out of the window. "Why are we here, father?" She asked, wondering why he took her here.

 

"Don't worry," He said with his calming voice. "We are here to see an old friend of mine." His heart beat like an untamed rancor at the moment. He wanted to kill himself for this.

 

They landed on the surface, but they didn't go out immediately. Luke looked up at Rey. She was smiling at him... Always, there was _always_ a smile on her face. He hugged her, with the closest embrace one could ever do. A father's goodbye to his daughter. Precious, one in a million daughter. He only knew her for 5 years. But what a 5 year it was. The greatest of his full life, without a doubt.

 

Luke didn't hold up this time. This time he let go. The tears he has been keeping in their sources, finally went out. "I love you, Rey." He said. But Rey began to worry, not for herself, for her father.

 

"Is everything alright, father?" The 5 year old asked, clueless. Luke took her hand and they got out from the shuttle. "Father?" She repeated.

 

His words, nearly begging not to slip out from his mouth. "It will be, my dear." They were at the local village, a little far away from Niima outpost.

 

He searched for his friend's tent. The villagers were quiet, and everyone lived together without causing each other trouble. It was early in the morning, however the sun already rose above the sky, making the air humid. As his eyes caught the tent, he headed there with noticeable hurry.

 

His hand spaced the long strips used as a door for the small tent. "Lor San," Luke said. "It's so good to see you." Lor San Tekka rose from his chair, and showed his tall, thin body, stood for over 50 years in the galaxy.

 

"Same for you, my friend." Tekka replied. He showed Luke the chair and they both sat down while Rey was standing beside her father.

 

"I would never want to meet you under these circumstances, I'm deeply sorry about that."

 

"Doesn't matter, it's nice to know you're still in one piece." He smiled, then looked at the standing, quiet girl. “Rey? Is that you?” He said in amusement. Rey simply grinned at the old man, and he did the same. “It’s so nice to see you again.” He got out from the tent and called a local out. It was a young woman, and she seemed very friendly. She greeted the strangers to the village in her own language. Tekka said something to her, making her smile fade from her face.

 

“Rey,” He called her, and as soon as she came next to face him, he continued. “Why don’t you go out for a few seconds, and Shivas will show you the village around?” Rey jumped in happiness and Shivas held her hand. After they both got out of hearing range, he turned to Luke again. "What do you want me to do with her?"

 

"Protect her, look after her, for me." Luke replied. "I know this is asking for too much, but at least be sure she's alive and well."

 

"Don't worry about that, I will find her a job at Unkar's." His eyes looked away. "So your student turned against you?"

 

"My student," Luke thought. "It was my nephew who turned against the Order. The Order I've been trying to rebuild," He said to Tekka, who seemed extremely sad about these news. "And I failed him."

 

"You know, I loved Ben," Tekka stated. "He was one of the best of your students. Maybe the best. He was remarkable. But if he chose to follow the wrong path, it's his fault, and not yours."

 

"I could have stopped him," Luke said, blaming himself again. "Or maybe I should have never taught him about the Force."

 

"Then he would have gone to the dark side earlier." Tekka opposed. "Either way, it was going to happen."

 

Luke shook his head. “But I was the one who put him in this situation in the first place. I never should have done this.” Luke remembered his sister, and his best friend. "Please inform Leia and Han, on my behalf. I can't talk to them, not now. I am..." He paused. " _Ashamed_. Afraid."

 

"You should talk to them. This time is when they need you the most." Tekka tried to convince him.

 

"I need to run away. Go far away. Go in exile - before I harm any other people." Luke said. Tekka nodded in understatement.

 

"At least tell me where you'll be." Tekka said. "So I can help when the time is right."

 

×××

 

The sunlight hit their eyes, and they walked their way to the outpost. While walking, Luke noticed a big Star Destroyer crashed into the huge pile of sand behind them. " _Possibly left from the Battle of Jakku_ ," he thought.

 

"I've contacted Unkar," Tekka said. "He should be here in minutes. Unfortunately, I need to leave now.” He squeezed Rey’s cheek. “May the Force be with you."

 

"And with you. Thank you, my friend. I hope to see you again." Luke said, Tekka turned his back at them and started hiking back, passing Luke’s shuttle waiting at their right, couple of meters away.

 

Rey looked at her father who is holding her hand at the moment. "What is going on?" She asked curiously. Luke's eyes caught a fat figure coming from the horizon.

 

"I'm..." Luke couldn't continue anymore. All he had ever hoped was to live a happy life with his daughter, away from the Empire, the First Order. Away from the war. And now, he was the one who was abandoning her. He just held her closely, his tears wetted Rey's shoulders. "I'm so sorry. Please _forgive_ _me_."

 

Rey finally realised. Her father was going to leave her, and the man, who was walking towards them at the moment, was going to take her away. She was afraid. She looked at the alien, and then turned her face quickly to her father. "Please don't leave me!" She cried. “Why are you doing this, father?”

 

"I'm doing this for you, my dear." Luke said, wiping his tears from his face. Unkar came right next them. The alien pulled her from her arm, said "Come on, girl."

 

"Come back!" Rey shouted at Luke, trying to get off from Unkar’s hand. "Please, come back!" He looked at his daughter, wished it didn't go this way. Wished he was dead, but she lived a satisfying life. Now she was going to be a slave. Working whole her life for this weird alien.

 

"I will," He lied. There was no way he could have forgiven himself for what happened that day. For his nephew, and for his daughter. " _Honey_ , I will come back." He watched as Unkar and Rey became little and littler, he stood there, in shock. Wind blowing his robes, flying them up in the air. He could still hear the little girl's begging. " _Come_ _back_ ", it was echoing through his mind.

 

Luke ran, ran away. Away from the most cowardly thing he has ever done. He disappointed everyone. Leia, Han, Ben - now Kylo, and most importantly, Rey. As he was getting on board his shuttle, he remembered her brown eyes, shining with gratitude. Her brown hair he liked to caress. Han liked tickling her, her laugh always lightened Luke's mood.

 

Just like Han loved Rey, Luke loved Ben. He had been there from the start, when Leia wanted to honour the great Jedi general, Obi-Wan, but with the name Luke - her brother knew as, Ben. His first cry, his first steps. All of it. Chewie's attempts at making him smile but instead making him get scared. His first word, “ _Dad_ ,” Han’s tears. His shared hug with Leia. Moving stuff up in the air for his joy.

 

Even from the start, Ben's connection to the Force was strong. The moment Luke held him above his chest, he was glowing with it. “ _He will become great_ ,” he thought. Luke remembered the time when he first offered Han to let him teach Ben. "Han, if you don't want to-" He said that when he tried to tell him his potential.

 

"So he will be like you – saving the galaxy with doing Jedi magic tricks and illusions?" Han said. His denial for the Force always made Luke put a smirk on his face. Maybe after Ben, he might start to believe in it.

 

"Yes, he will be able to do that but it's not only about th-" Luke was trying to tell him it's about security and the good for the galaxy, but Han interrupted him.

 

"Alright, great. Make Ben a Jedi. Don’t think he will understand your intentions, or your hocus-pocuses, he will use the Force only to make me bring him toys." Han laughed. As Luke remembered this now sombre memory, he became even more sorrowful.

 

Ben was a great apprentice. Maybe he was a bit angry, reckless but was he any different? Even Ben said the same for himself, why would he be any different than the man who he was named after? He thought about what might have caused his turn. What happened so bad that made him change his vision? Change his judgement? Was it because of him, because of his restrictions as a Jedi?

 

He was not the happiest person, yes, but he lived a good life. He had people who loved him, cared about him – including Luke – so what was it?

 

Thinking about that, it hit to his mind. One time, long ago, when Ben was just 10 years old. They were at Coruscant, granted with a mission for the New Republic. He was most curious when they saw the Jedi Temple in the heart of the planet. He asked Luke what happened to the once beautiful, now shattered building. Luke answered, only with what he learned from the limited sources of the Empire.

 

“The Republic was made to think the Jedi turned against the democracy, and tried to take over the government.” He told to Ben. “Of course, that was what the Emperor wanted people to believe in. The Jedi stood for peace over a thousand years. Sadly, he started the great Jedi purge. I don’t think there was anyone survived from it – except Yoda and Ben.”

 

Ben scratched his head. “But my grandfather,” He started. “You said he also survived. Wasn’t he a Jedi at those times?” Luke didn’t want to answer, but also didn’t want him to look up at modified sources, making his judgement get clouded about the Jedi.

 

“He was not,” Luke answered. “The Emperor made him believe his lie. He had suffered – a lot. I could see that when I saw him for the first time in person. He was not satisfied with what he had done, as Darth Vader. But in the end, he went in redemption and he became Anakin Skywalker again.”

 

Ben, at that time, didn’t push the subject any further. That was a relief for Luke, but now he understood. All this time, all his researches were about Darth Vader. All his walks out of the temple, all the things he said when he disappeared for some time when they go at different planets. He has been searching, seeking clues for him. Getting to know him more. He must have learned more about Darth Vader, about his power, about the destruction he had caused; than learning about his Jedi self, Anakin Skywalker.

 

He wanted to be like him. Proving himself invincible, powerful and relentless. He wanted to make people fear him, get people at their knees, obey him. And Snoke deceived his mind, maybe even helped him get his obsession to a complete new level.

 

Luke couldn’t believe his ignorance. Ben was not a failure, he was. He thought rebuilding the Order would be easy. He thought he was the one chosen to do it, when clearly he was not. He only realised everything in the end. There was nothing he could do to his nephew now. Ben had no love for his uncle, so he could not turn him to the light side like he did with Vader.

 

All was lost. Luke had no hope. He was desperate. He was alone. _He lost everything that day_.

 

He entered the coordinates for his jump to lightspeed. Jakku's huge sand piles got smaller as the ship began to take off. He was not leaving only Jakku now, he was leaving his daughter, his whole heart. His not rested eyes spared the remaining tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear your thoughts, I put really a lot work on this. Thank you for reading. :)


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